Where is the hickey?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Randomize
