happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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