can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
