My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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