Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
