i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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