my phone needs a breathalizer
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize