Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
