I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
