phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
