whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
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