Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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