we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
40s are totally the cure
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
