Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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