If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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