I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He told me they were just razor bumps!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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