everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
