did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
