all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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