i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
