my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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