You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
