Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i now understand why vodka
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
