Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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