I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize