Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize