Tell her she can't have a vagina
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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