carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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