dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm both gender and math confused
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
