OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He? As in you personified your dick?
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