guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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