Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
