Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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