So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I fill condoms, not promises.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
