I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
