Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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