Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
