That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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