I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
