therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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