waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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