talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
