I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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