i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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