4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
