Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
