Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
where does the pee come out of this thing
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
