I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
