I cannot find my penis.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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