I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
