the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
