I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
