He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
