I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize