That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
