i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize