Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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