some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
