I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
