new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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