Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
