Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
