oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
