I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize