You can't motorboat a personality
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
