this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
