I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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