Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
