I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Found your dick twin last night
You can't just leave with hair like that
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
