You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
