We won't sleep together?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize