i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
