Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
