I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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