guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
