who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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