I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize