Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
