i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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