I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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