Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
