so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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