Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
