the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
