You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
