singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
