I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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