He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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