I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Randomize
