Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
