I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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