I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
