Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
