i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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