My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
