What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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