If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize