"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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