Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
