Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
