apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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