We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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