Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
