I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
