She's JV to your varsity
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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